The Sweet Boy Tax

Domneeq

Jun 15, 2025

My father used to say,

“If you are too sweet, people will lick you till you are finished.”

We might also be familiar with the way Asari Dokubo once put it, which is popular in comic content online:

“You want to please others and displease yourself.”

Both lines have lingered in my mind this week, and they hit differently now.

Most of my newsletters focus on personal development, but here’s something you may not hear enough of:

You cannot become your best self if you're constantly sacrificing your peace just to protect someone else's feelings.

The Trap of Appearing Good

I used to wonder why the rich ~ even those surrounded by poverty ~ don’t do more. You see someone with obvious wealth, and you think: “Ah, with all this money, why can’t they just help these people?”

I've seen this firsthand. I’ve been in rooms where we pitched impactful projects to wealthy individuals, and they contributed the barest minimum. Some people called them stingy, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the story.

And there was.

It’s not just about ability, it’s about how their generosity would be received. It’s about boundaries.

You see, if you keep giving without restraint, people begin to expect, not appreciate. And when you stop, they treat you like a villain. That’s how good-hearted people get drained.

When Kindness Becomes a Trap

I’ve been that guy — the “sweet” one.

I’ve granted people favours, small at first, thinking: this doesn’t cost me much. But they kept coming back. And when I couldn’t deliver? Suddenly, the "urgency" disappeared, and so did the warmth.

I’ve displeased myself to please others. I’ve granted privileges and watched people take the whole village ie stretch them into entitlement. These moments taught me that

Boundaries are not cruelty; they are for survival.

And no, this is not a plea for you to stop being charitable. I’m not here to preach charity or its opposite. Both have their moments. What I will say is this don’t give where you cannot take.

Not because you expect something in return, but because if you ever come back to ask, you deserve to be answered. And don’t tell yourself they owe you nothing, they do 😒. It’s just not a debt they’ll acknowledge unless you demand it.

I’ve decided to treat my relationships like National Alliances: mutual respect, shared benefit, clear boundaries. And I urge you to do the same.

The Cost of Saying Yes

A few days ago, a friend and I talked about money and progress. I shared my wins this year ~ the kind I once only dreamt of. She just smiled sadly and said,

“If I had learned to say NO to people earlier…”

That hit me.

Some of you are bleeding resources, time, emotional energy, all in the name of being "nice."

But what has it cost you?

Three Things That Shook Me This Week

This week, three different things happened that made me reflect deeply on life:

I started reading Richard Templar’s “How to Get Things Done Without Trying So Hard.”
That book reminded me of the Greek phrase: “Man, know thyself.”
You don’t have to change your personality to achieve more. The secret is in knowing yourself and designing your life around how you actually work.
The tragic plane crash in India.
As an aviation enthusiast, it hit me. These were people like us, chasing dreams, laughing with loved ones, planning for tomorrow. And in an instant, everything changed.
Life is fragile.
The FBI arrest of someone I know and the death of another - A beloved Nigerian Female Debater.
Two people who stood for something, now gone or disgraced. It forced me to look at the weight we place on reputation, on time, on life itself.

As a bonus, the rising conflict between Iran and Israel reminded me again that PEACE IS A PRIVILEGE, and you must protect your own.

This is your call to pause.
Think about what’s been worrying you.
Ask yourself: Does this still matter in the grand scheme of things?
Worrying won’t solve it. But clarity just might.

As you go into this week, remember the words of my father: